Hard to revisit those days................

Well, it has been 2 weeks since my last entry. What does that tell you? Maybe it isn't going to be as easy to journal my initial diagnosis as originally thought. There are a thousand little things that come to mind and yet nothing stands out. Yet it is all traumatic, emotional, and all so unbelievably hard to go back to revisit those days. So why am I doing this blog anyway? I would have to say it is because someone might benefit from my experience.
To this day when I hear the word Bone Marrow Transplant I can't believe that they are talking about people like me. To be a twenty year survivor of Leukemia is big but to have had a transplant in 1989 is something special as it was still considered experimental. So there, now you know that I had a transplant and I am alive today because of it.
Stick around I promise I will tell you more but as you can see already I don't move quickly on this subject.

Hey I just met you this morning and I am not sure that I like you yet.

But this doctor was my only hope for answers. He was honest with me and told me that after chemo and hopefully a remission he would consider a Bone Marrow Transplant. My next step was to go to the hospital for admission. Now I was having crazy thoughts like, if I had only known I would have permed my hair. Never thinking that I would be losing my hair. Oh my God what is happening to me. I have children and a business that needs me and I don't have time for this. And how long did you say I will be in the hospital?

A dozen eggs falling in slow motion....

He dropped the word Leukemia, I looked at my mother as in slow motion I watched the tears drop one by one from her jaw bone. It was as if I was watching a dozen eggs fall to the floor, struggling to catch them and not being able. I remember every breath, word, thought, and feeling from that point on. All I could say was "I know they have come a long way in the last fifteen years". He just looked at me over the rim of his glasses and said, "you are absolutely right".